What to Call a Bar/Bat Mitzvah for a Non-Binary Teen: Inclusive Options for Jewish Coming of Age
As Jewish communities become more inclusive and affirming of gender diversity, families, clergy, and educators are increasingly asking a thoughtful and important question: What do we call a Bar or Bat Mitzvah for someone who is non-binary or does not identify as exclusively male or female?
Traditionally, "Bar Mitzvah" (literally "son of the commandment") is used for boys, and "Bat Mitzvah" ("daughter of the commandment") is used for girls. But these binary terms don’t reflect the identities of all Jewish teens coming of age.
Let’s explore inclusive alternatives and, more importantly, how we can create affirming, meaningful experiences for all youth as they step into Jewish adulthood.
Why Language Matters
Language is powerful. The words we use shape how we see ourselves and how we feel seen by others. For non-binary and gender-expansive individuals, using affirming language signals respect and belonging. When a milestone as significant as becoming a B’nai Mitzvah arrives, every detail from pronouns to ceremony language has the potential to empower or alienate.
Inclusive Alternatives to “Bar/Bat Mitzvah”
B-Mitzvah
A simple, streamlined, and increasingly popular term that drops gender entirely while preserving the core identity of the ritual. It’s easy to say and widely accepted in progressive Jewish circles.B’nai Mitzvah
Traditionally used for two or more people (plural), “B’nai” can also be reclaimed as a gender-neutral singular in some contexts. Some families or congregations choose this route to reflect both tradition and inclusion.Brit Mitzvah
“Brit” means covenant, emphasizing the relationship between the individual and the Jewish community or with God. This term shifts the focus from gender to sacred connection.Mitzvah
Some simply use “Mitzvah” as the title—e.g., “Today we are celebrating Ezra’s Mitzvah.” It’s clean, clear, and honors the core idea of taking on Jewish responsibility.Choosing a New Term Altogether
Some individuals create their own unique term that feels right for them. For example, “Simchat Mitzvah” (Joy of the Mitzvah) or “Aliyat Mitzvah” (Ascent of the Mitzvah). This can be especially meaningful for teens who want their identity celebrated in a personalized way.
Beyond the Name: A Truly Inclusive Experience
While the name of the ceremony is an important piece, true inclusivity goes deeper:
Use Affirming Pronouns: In all materials, honors, and blessings.
Gender-Neutral Language in Services: Modify prayers and blessings to avoid gendered terms when appropriate.
Inclusive Clothing Options: Allow the celebrant to wear what feels authentic to them—regardless of traditional gender norms.
Educate the Community: Use this moment to model LGBTQ+ inclusion and celebrate diversity as a Jewish value.
Jewish Values in Action
Jewish tradition teaches b’tzelem Elohim—that every person is created in the image of the Divine. Honoring someone’s gender identity is not only kind and just: it’s holy. When we adapt our traditions to include all people, we don’t lose our heritage; we deepen it.
As more families walk this path, communities are learning to open their hearts and language to embrace everyone fully. Whether you choose “B-Mitzvah,” “Brit Mitzvah,” or another name entirely, what matters most is that the celebrant feels seen, loved, and celebrated for who they truly are.
Looking for support in planning a gender-inclusive ceremony?
I'm here to help families navigate these choices with compassion, Jewish knowledge, and creativity. Let’s make your child’s Mitzvah moment unforgettable and authentically theirs.
